My Top 10 Slow Travel Tips for Couples

Hello kindred spirit! It’s Helena here! ☀️

I’m super passionate about encouraging and inspiring women to travel solo – even when in a loving relationship. There’s something so freeing about connecting with your inner voice while alone for many days in a new place in the world. And while I create a lot of content on the subject (here’s my introvert’s guide to traveling), I wanted to post some tips for anyone traveling as a couple! Here are a few things I’ve learned from personal experience, so you don’t drive each other crazy! 😻

Here they are: my slow travel tips for couples!

Know Your Talents

A simple but important thing to note at the beginning of a trip: have a travel talk. Make a warm cuppa tea, sit down at the dining room table with your laptops and notes, and talk about how your trip is going to go. This is especially important when traveling abroad internationally or traveling a long distance from home. Travel is a great test of conflict. A crisis may come up, so it’s best to be prepared for it. Open and honest communication is key for any successful relationship, be it family, romantic or friendship. Talk it out: Who is better at research and planning? Who is better in crisis? Who is calm under pressure? Do any of you get stressed out by excess external stimulation (crowds, traffic, city lights, noise, etc)?

So, I experience panic attacks in large cities, and one of the things I’ve learned in my travels with Alex is that I can’t be in city centers or noisy city squares late at night, with bright lights, traffic, and crowds of people swarming around. And if I am, I’ve found that putting my head down, watching my feet move, taking deep breaths and letting Alex lead me, one arm around my shoulder, and usher me out of the main city traffic helps immensely in those moments of overwhelm.

Maybe one of you is a spontaneous and adventurous traveler – finding fun events and things to do while bringing energy and light to the experience! Maybe one of you is more practical and cautious and has a talent for staying organized. Know each other’s talents and lead with them.

Have one partner keep all the documents

Have whoever is more organized be in charge of gathering, organizing and holding onto all the travel documents. This is a tip that Alex and I learned from trial and error. Back in the day, we would begin to board a flight or train, each holding onto our own tickets, only for me to keep us stalled behind security, as I’d go through my bag in order to pull out a crumpled piece of a ripped ticket buried at the bottom. Not a detail-oriented thinker, I have a tendency to forget teeny tiny details, meanwhile, my husband has a knack for thinking of everything that could possibly go wrong, and having a solution for it prepared ahead of time. (A classic enneagram 5w6, for anyone curious.) If one of you tends to be a bit scattered and disorganized, do yourself a favor and have one of you manage and carry a thin folder with all your tickets, visas, directions, and travel documents. It’ll save a lot of time and stress.

What’s Your Travel Style?

There are three types of travel: doing, having and being.

There are those that like to have the coolest shopping or dining/drinking experiences. Those that like to do all the activities and go to all the museums. And there are those that like to just be there: people-watching, walking through parks and neighborhoods, taking in the vibe, the scene, the energy. Which are you?

Alex and I both a mix of Be/Have travelers, which works really well! We love going to the coolest restaurants, the quirky hole in the wall, the spot with the funky cocktails, and the best hot chocolate! We also travel slowly. We’ve learned from experience that we both don’t like to jam-pack a bucket/to-do list when traveling in a new place. Nor do we like to be constantly on the go. I’m lucky that both of us enjoy the same type of traveling. He likes a tad bit more structure than me but he’s not ambitious with our undertakings. Alex and I both like to relax and enjoy and decide what we’re doing the day of. Not everyone thrives in that travel environment, so it’s important to communicate everything up front before you travel with someone. More communication prior leads to fewer problems while traveling. 

We all know that open communication is how relationships grow and thrive. That honesty is essential. But everyone communicates and travels in different ways. Perhaps one of you is more spontaneous and likes to flow with plans, depending on how you’re feeling that day. Maybe the other likes to have a plan and structure for your day well in advance. Personally, I’ve learned from traveling with several different friends over the last year, that I don’t travel well with people who need to plan everything out. Like, pleeeease do not ask me what we’re doing the next evening the day before. 😳 (Just me?) I just wanna go with the flow 🦋

Approve Accommodations Together

When deciding where to stay accommodations-wise, make sure you’re doing it together. Make sure that both of you look at the hotel pictures, read the reviews, see where the hotel is located, etc.

Are you fine in a cozy studio or do you need separate rooms to feel a sense of space? Does one of you require windows or separate walls? Separate bathrooms? All things to consider.

5 tips for booking an Airbnb rental (some lessons I learned the hard way!)

1. Check the Reviews. No reviews, it might be brand new or a scam. (It’s happened to us!)
2. Make Location a Big Factor. Always look at Google Maps to see the general location before booking. If you see a highway nearby, it might be loud. The same goes for if it’s a highrise building or in the city center. Chances are that the more people that live around you, the louder it may be.
3. Cancellation Date. Try to book an Airbnb with a moderate to light cancellation polticy. Plans can change, and flights can be cancelled. Covid is part of life now. Avoid those rentals that you can’t cancel, especially if you’re staying longer than a few weeks.
4. Wifi + designated workspace area. Important for my fellow writers and worker bees out there.
5. Consider heating, cooling and the time of year. Air conditioners, for example, are hard to come by in France. If you’re staying somewhere in the middle of summer, humidity also plays a factor.
6. Check last minute for amazing deals on hotels. HotelTonight is my favorite app for finding a hotel a day or two before. I’ve stayed at luxurious hotels ($600+ a night) for $150 using this app. The same goes for booking an Airbnb the day before or the day of.

Have a Backup Plan

Always have a backup for accommodation. Problems can always arise while traveling to a place you don’t know. Sometimes an Airbnb won’t be clean and ready for guests. Sometimes a hotel room is located in a neighborhood that feels unsafe and sketchy at night. Whatcanyado! Such is life. You don’t want to be in a stressful situation where it leads to tension in your relationship. Traveling together should bring you closer, not further apart. Speaking from personal experience, as Alex and I have had fights on the road, I have found that it’s easier to just have a couple of hotel backup contact numbers in a notes app on your phone, so if something goes wrong and the Airbnb host never shows up or the rental isn’t cleaned, you have options. 

Independence is Sexy

One of my best slow travel tips for couples is to allow each other to do what feels most fun! This isn’t just your vacation; it’s also your partner’s! If one of you wants to go somewhere or do an activity that the other person really isn’t interested in doing, allow for some space and go do your own thang! I think so many couples glue themselves to each other, expecting the other person to always be there. But here’s the thing: Independence is sexy. Having one’s own hobbies, interests, friends and life is attractive to see in a partner. So allow your partner to enjoy their time and go enjoy yours.

One of the things Alex and I love doing when we travel to places together is seeing our separate friends. Sometimes I’ll even stay with my friend in town for a few days. Alex gets his guy time and I get to have quality time with my friends, catching up in a deeper way than if Alex were around. Also, as an introvert, I enjoy going off on my own to explore side streets with my camera, sitting at quaint little tea shops, journaling and people-watching from a wide window. It’s my favorite way to get to know a city, and I always ask for a few hours in a new city to explore on my own when I’m with my husband. Don’t feel guilty about honoring your energy and your need for space. Freedom and independence do amazing things for relationships!

Have a full day to do nothing (or very little)

Often when people travel, they try to cram in as many experiences as possible! And it makes sense, especially for those that live and work in the United States where vacation time is limited to a baffling two weeks. 😳😳😳

But even so, sloooooow down. Take a full day on your trip to just unwind. Sleep in, order room service, watch a movie in bed, pick up a bottle of wine and snack along the river. Admire the wind in the trees, the people passing by, and the dogs in their darling coats in the park. That one slow day, I have found, is often the day you both might remember most. 🥰

Be Aware of Your Partner’s Limitations

We all have our limits. Our non-negotiables. To each their own. But it’s super important, as a couple, as a team,to be aware and mindful of your partner’s triggers and limitations. Note what your sweetheart can’t deal with on long flights and travel days. What are the things that turn them off and put them in a bad mood?

For Alex, he doesn’t like being smushed in the middle seat. Flashing lights and playing loud music also turn him off.

As for me? I’m claustrophobic and highly sensitive to city life and dirty streets (seeing poop or vomit on a street will literally make me queasy.) I’m also extremely sensitive to smells. (In a Chandler Bing voice: Could I BE any more high maintenance when I’m traveling?!) For example. my husband Alex can deal with the smells of strong tuna and be trapped on the bottom, low ceiling level of a crammed train for 10 hours. I just cannot.

Being claustrophobic is also very challenging when traveling. I often can’t stand in tiny corridors with lots of people or be in crowded, tight rooms with no windows. It’s a deep fear of mine and I experience massive passive attacks and anxiety, to the point where I’ll cry uncontrollably and not be able to breathe or feel my own body. It’s something I have no control over. No amount of meditation or breathwork fixes it. And because this has caused stress for both me and my partner while traveling, this is something I constantly have to consider and think about when I’m planning a trip.

Hire a Photographer to Capture the Memories Together

Having beautiful photos of your trip together is a must. Printing them as well. Alex and I have this Disney “Adventure Book” scrapbook from the Pixar movie “Up” and we fill it with polaroids and printed photos from our travels together. You can definitely take great pictures on your own – here are some of my best tips for getting photos of yourselves! We also always make private vlogs that I upload to Youtube for just us personally. We love to cozy up on the couch and watch them together. I also love to print my Instagram grid photos using this. 

But there’s also something so magical about having a photographer help you out! We have a goal of hiring a professional photographer once a year, and we try to do it around our anniversary. There’s something to be said about having a professional give you cues and poses to make the photos spontaneous, natural and candid. I love 1-2 posed photos, but the natural ones are always our favorites! Here are some photos from our recent trip to Paris!

Flytographer is My Favorite ❤️❤️❤️

Not sponsored, I’m just obsessed. I always tell my friends and past clients (I used to be a photographer!) about Flytographer as the experience of finding and booking a photographer anywhere in the world is so easy! We hire Rachael last September and it was a wonderful experience. Alex and I were in Paris and decided to book a photographer using their website, completely last minute, 2 days before. And I requested it for the best time of day for photos – golden hour – which can be hard to come by when booking so last minute! Especially in a busy tourist city like Paris. But we got a slot and the session and photos were amazing!

You can use my code “HELENAWOODS” to get $25 off your next photo session with Flytographer here! 

I’m such a fan and hope you love using their service as much as we do!